butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
