i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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