She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I could fuck to npr.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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