Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
