Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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