Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
