before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
