I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
