Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
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We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
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I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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