So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
