she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
