I need to stop coming to work sober
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
