Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
