How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
