I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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