Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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