I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Hippo gnu deer
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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