I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
