Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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