You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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