A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
