So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
