I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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