you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
