Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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