True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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