Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What a dumb baby whore.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
