Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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