just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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