I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
