I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
