when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
