piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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