Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
