The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
