I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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