How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
nutella sex= disaster
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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