Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
