she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
