the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
