My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
