Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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