what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
