I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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