I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
