I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
