I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
