there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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