sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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