you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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