I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
