hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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