Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
