I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You made out with two different species that night
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
