Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
