Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
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Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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