my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The cops high fived after they tackled you
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
