You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I believe in your delicious
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
