dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
